In past posts on this blog, I've suggested practicing your
listening skills. Sometimes that's harder than others.
I've found it most difficult to really listen is when you
have some notion that the person is going to say something you disagree with.
Perhaps they identify as something you generally consider 'wrong'. This is not
only an issue with religion, but various lifestyles, and -- of course --
politics.
Basically, there is a knee-jerk reaction to the label. Let's
say you met someone named Joe who is an evangelical Christian. You have this preconceived
notion of evangelical Christians that you have developed. Now, everything Joe
says, you are filtering through that 'evangelical Christian' lens in your mind.
The problem with that is that Joe's life and experiences and
opinions weren't formed with your lens-- so your lens may give a distorted
view. You may assume a lot of things about Joe that simply aren't true. Instead
of trying to understand where Joe is coming from, you've already heaped a bunch
of pre-conceived notions on him.
This is sad, because Joe might actually be a good guy, with
interesting insights. Despite the fact that you disagree with him, you could
get along from him and learn from him. If you could learn to listen better,
that is, to understand Joe rather than your perception of who Joe might be.
After all, wouldn't you expect Joe to drop his lenses and
listen to what you're actually saying? Wouldn't you expect Joe to drop pre-conceived
notions and listen to what you mean?
It doesn't have to be religion. It could be lifestyle--
perhaps you are an earthy person, and think people into makeup and fashion are
shallow and frivolous. Perhaps a businessman may not understand why someone
could want to be an artist.
Politics is a big one, and lately it’s gotten out of hand.
I've been on numerous message boards where a person of one political party
painted everyone from other political parties a certain way.
Democratic Representative Alan Grayson comes to mind, when
he said, "If you get sick, America, the Republican health care plan is
this: 'Die quickly.' That’s right. The Republicans want you to die quickly if
you get sick."
I think if Grayson truly listened to Republicans, he’d find
their objections were simply to the means and methods of health care laws that
Democrats were proposing; not that they wanted sick poor people to die. But
listening through their ‘Republican lens’, this is what some Democrats like
Grayson heard.
What’s worse, by broadcasting this, it helped millions of
other people develop a ‘Republican lens’, or reinforced their own lenses that
impede them from really listening. Likewise, Republicans have their ‘Democrat
lenses’. And this has resulted in what politics are now: two major parties with
both leaders and citizens who just do not really listen to what the other is
saying. It’s enough to make you sick.
My Tip for You Today: Drop the filter, and listen to someone
you don’t agree with.
Watch a Youtube video, read a book or a blog. Jump on a
message board and have a conversation.
You may still disagree with the person you listen to, and
that’s fine. The object is not to change your mind, but to try to understand
what someone is saying without letting personal expectations, prejudices or
preconceived notions of your own cloud that message before it comes through to
you.
I’m warning you, it’s going to be hard. Those filters are
pretty solidly in place. But it’s an incredible learning experience, not only
of how you view others, but about how others might view you. You’ll begin to
recognize your own filters, the filters of those you both agree with and
disagree with. You’ll take differences less personally, you’ll learn to develop
your ability to understand, empathize and have compassion for other people. You’ll
learn to see past labels, and see people. You’ll become a better listener, and
you will reap many benefits from this ability.
This will make you a better person; and a better Wiccan.
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